Crush

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Because I was not allowed to have a boyfriend in school and college, I had quite an emotionally stable life. Come to think of it, not being in a relationship had been a bliss actually. But then, I had my share of crushes so to say. This guy, lets name him ‘M’ ,was in my class with same elective as mine so we almost attended all our classes together except the practicals. Even though , having an affair was a strict no-no from mom, I thought , having a crush was not a big deal as it did not have any strings and also mom would never come to know about it!

Slowly but steadily, the crush was getting harder and one of my closest friend decided to take some charge. She asked one of the other guys to ask M if he had a girlfriend and that I liked him. I was not very happy with this situation now because this was being forced on me and I was kinda happy in my cocoon and really didn’t want to know if M was interested in me or not. Also, M was quite oblivious of my feelings for him and I didn’t want to jeopardize , whatever minimum talking terms that we were on.

Anyways, the news reached me in a week , that M had a girlfriend already, back in his hometown and hence no further questions were asked. It would take quite a few days for me to come out of coma and I felt terribly guilty. Guilty of god knows what….! For the rest of the semesters, I chose not to tell any of my friends about anything personal and of course the equations with M changed for the rest of the years in the university. I avoided to look at M or talk to him anytime during the classes and non-class times that we classmates would get together.

About 12 years later I met almost all my school mates and college-mates on FB except M. It would take another 9 years for M to get into FB.

Just a couple of months back, one day I was looking through the probable friends FB suggests and when I found M’s profile in it, I found myself smiling. Since there were no pictures in the profile, I sent a message asking if he was the same guy that was in my college. In the reply , M just said yes and that he was roll number 54. Well, after a few weeks , he uploaded some pictures of him and his family on his account for all to see.

I was horrified to see what had become of a handsome lad in a span of 20 years. Here was a middle aged stout man with a beer belly ,his hair was all orange because of henna and I assumed it must have all gone grey and I was staring at a face which looked about 20 years more older than our age. I could not sleep that night…wondering about what must have gone through his life that he grew old so fast. Then I wondered , if I have also grown that old….then I also wondered why was I wondering about him. I had always maintained that age was just a number and its our attitude which actually matters but a look at M told me , may be it was not the case. I remember seeing him as a 20 year old guy and I saw him now 20 years later, I was ready to see some changes but not such drastic ones. I realized, if we abuse ourselves by smoking or drinking or by taking too much stress , it does take away years out of our lives. One has to keep fit and make sure we rally against nature by staying fit and happy.

M looked old to me that day and I felt as if I was looking at some ancient temple in Bali. In a flash, I was in the morning classes when I used to look at him during the first class of the day and felt cheerful for the rest of the week!! As I smiled and remembered the old times,I  took my jacket out for my evening 5 km walk.

Bali- Google images

Bali- Google images

 

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Trust

trust-cropped

Small word , big responsibility , bigger repercussions if broken.

The only people who would carry on believing in us even when we break their trust, is immediate blood family. Rest everyone will, at the most will give you a second chance and then would either leave or chuck you out of their lives.

Trust is a huge virtue , being ‘true’ is the biggest portion of it. When young, we are being told to be truthful, honest and keep our promises. When we grow up, apart from these we also need to know the unspoken words and sentiments of the people we love, lest we hurt them unknowingly. This get complicated in today’s times.

A vast sea of promises, emotions and words play games between two people. It is up to the hard work of these people if they choose to go that extra mile to keep their friends, mates or partners happy. One of my friends casually mentioned a few years back, that its all about performance, professionally and personally too. Until then I had not known the value of the performance in personal life. I took all my relationships a bit casually and I didn’t know, I could work hard on it.

For me, all my relationships were equal and I didn’t treat anyone differently. I believed in equality but little did I know that each person is different and they ask for different things. Some need space, others security. Some are vocal about their feeling other are not and one need to know them better through their actions. Some would make you feel special and expect the same back, some would be just plain honest and simple, others would be diplomatic still be honest.

Trust in all cases cannot be broken, for it leads to a damage that cannot be mended ever. I still believe , if the core of our heart is honest and we make some extra effort to know the other person inside out, we would always see that thin line which we should not never cross.

Respect the trust that the other person has put on you. Leave before you have to break it.

Google Images

Google Images

Confused

Google images

Google images

Some people are perennially confused about the decisions they have to take in life. Some are momentarily confused while others remain firm on their decisions, having clearly seen the outcome of their decisions long before they make it. I come in the third category, although I make my decisions spontaneously but I do not regret them at all. I make peace with the bad outcomes beforehand , if any and move ahead with them. Most often than not, I tend to be happy , more so because I have had already made up my mind not to fuss or sulk even if things do not go my way.

I guess, my secret of making decisions promptly is listening to my heart rather than the mind. I do get confused about which flavor of ice-cream to choose or which shade of red lipstick to apply but then these are insignificant issues. I, then take 2 or 3 flavors of ice-cream scoops and choose a pink lipstick instead!

Some of us are confused about whether we have gotten over our ex or not . They believe they do, but then, invariably they mention and think about their exes in their everyday activities, conversations and often write about them in their blogs too!

I think its an unnecessary exercise to keep your past in your present especially if there is no hope of getting back to it at any point of time say if the ex has been really bitter about you and left in an awfully disgusted manner from your life.Why are people confused about important things like life, at all?  Don’t we all know that whatever happens , happens for good and the best way to move ahead is to look for a clean slate and begin all over again!

Being confused also states a vital fact about oneself – that one has not been taught to be firm while growing up and that one has fears of losing things and hence is scared to make firm decisions. Well, time to adapt because , its the survival of the fittest after all.

All the best!

Caught and shot- AR

Caught and shot- AR

Movie Review :Udta Punjab

Google Images

Google Images

Udta Punjab : Shahid is his usual self, well-balanced in every act. He plays the role of a spoilt and narcissist popstar from the current generation and he sure rocks in it! Kareena lacks grit and intensity in a role that ironically, is the voice of the film. Diljit Dosanjh more than makes up for her and other loopholes of the film which are,of course just a few. Kickass performance by Alia as she shuts her critics up and gives a tight one across the faces of all the Morons who troll her for nut’s sake. She has undoubtedly got the legacy of her father in terms of understanding her character in this film. The otherwise sophisticated, Alia breaks out of her comfort zone and flaunts her prodigious potential. The impact of her powerhouse performance stays with you long after you leave the theatre.

The story is appallingly beautiful which is set in, apparently the most fertile, culturally rich Punjab, a state which can also boasts of the most hardworking people in India. The film shows how drug menace has seeped deep into the system and has sadly taken away generations of youth who, could have been the best entrepreneurs, farmland owners, businessmen or simply musicians. The movie shows how the pillars of the system who are supposed to take a state ahead have corroded it dangerously and how it has affected thousands of families in Punjab.

The Bombay High Court has done a marvelous job by letting us watch the movie, that is , the way it was made. Abhishek Chaubey has done a commendable job, again.

PS- An ASI has never looked as handsome ever 🙂

A 4 out of 5 and a must watch!!

Y for YOLO

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After all, you only live once. Might as well live it up while you can, right?

I have been a rebel, right from my childhood days. I like to do my things and do not like any resistance. Having been brought up by working parents and very strict ones, I still managed to rebel out and do things that I wanted to do. Back then there was no mantra for living life that way. It was simply called bad behavior and that I must learn to listen to elders. Slowly and steadily my behavior was accepted and I was allowed to decide for myself. Why, because I would simply not bow down for anyone.

A friend of mine recently posted a picture on social media of the supermarket shelf while she was shopping, and it contained only one box of a certain yogurt her kid eats. She and her husband both commented on how they now have to get this box. This is consistent with psychology indicating that as things become more scarce, they become more desirable. And indeed, this is the case with life as well. Research shows that when reminded of death, people become more aware that life is scarce. In turn, this causes people to believe that life is more meaningful.

While I was on the crossroads of deciding about my divorce , my childhood friend told me, “If you don’t do something then you will never know what you would be losing out in your life”. He had a point and I realized how could I be shackled by something I was utterly unhappy with.

Somehow, I have been a recklessly-impulsive-heart on the sleeve person and I have never looked back once I have decided something. Life with Ani has calmed me down a bit I still remain the same person. I always advocate- “Go by your heart” to all my friends, colleagues and siblings and kids.Mostly because , its your life and no one else should be deciding for it. And also because You Live Only Once. And there are no second chances here !

Cheers for this beautiful thing we all have in common- LIFE!

Google Images

Google Images

Alter Ego

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“I’m sorry , I will not do it again….I want to have kids with you…come back home please…” Hopelessly, she had said on the mail. She had finally realized, it was their last fight and she gave her last shot. He didn’t bother to reply to this mail either like all of her previous mails and texts. He had enough of it already.
Last year when they were at her place and had an argument she had slapped him hard on his face, in front of her parents. That was the last bit of humiliation he could take. He remembered how he loved her truly and had married her in spite of everyone in his family being against it. He stood by her in her difficult times. Was she worth it, at all ?
The boarding had been announced and he smiled as he took out his boarding pass. He was leaving for Turkey and this time never to come back.

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Free to be Me

Free as a bird Shot by – Me (Big Sur CA)

Independent, fiery, ambitious, conservative, determined, practical and faithful. That’s what I’m. A  fervent mix of funky and conservative. Just the rightfully delight-able Margarita on the Rocks !!

So what is the quality that I admire most in myself? Undoubtedly, being determined wins the crown. When I decide on something, I move ahead and do it. Whatever it is, whoever it is and wherever it is.

Generally it takes your entire childhood to know who you are. When you step onto your adulthood, the confidence is not much to exercise yourself even if you know who you are. The toll of studies, working for a career or even for that matter working for the relationships is just too high. So , it took a couple of decades for me, to be me.

For a long time, I felt like a caged bird, struggling each day to fly out. It was inspirational to see other people being able to do their own thing. At times I hated myself for not being courageous enough to break free and at other times I would just flow with the time. But at all times pledging myself to swap my wings and fly out one day…

When finally that day came, I literally took a flight out of the country….far away to the Americas…! A sabbatical of  6 months from the humdrum of so called life. And I became the original me !!

I can be fearless. I can be ambitious in all senses, determined and fiery. I can be me now. It will be unfair not to mention the motivation I got from my loved ones. Angels who kept telling me to move on and get my peace. My rocks, who stood by me during the toughest years of my life. However, if I did not fall while I hit rock bottom, it was only because of my grit and endurance.

So, here it is for all the strong souls, who have lost their way. Get up and get going. If I can do it, everyone can!!

Tuscany

Peace

The Other Woman

Love

Love

How does it feel like to be the other woman? To be the woman who broke a marriage of two years. Well, there is always another side to a story…!

Initially Ria started spending only evenings with Andy. Soon she started staying over weekends and then before they realised, it was the entire week. Andy seemed to be in pain, a lot of pain. He said that he recently had a break up with his girlfriend and it had caused him lot of heartache. Ria did everything to ease him out. He was fine a few months later and thats when he confided about his marriage which had broken down. Ria loved him even more. She made sure they were together all the hours after work.He would see her off for work everyday and anxiously wait for her return after a tiring day at work. Together they made several escapades to nearby places, discovering and knowing these places and also each other. All this while, Ria was kind of worried how would they ever end their marriages and subsequently be with each other. Andy , on the other hand was more of a “live-in-present” kind of a guy. He was soaking up each moment of happiness that he could get from life.

Ria sometimes wondered why there were so few calls from Andy’s wife over the week or even on weekends for that matter. How can a newly married couple live so far away  from each other in different cities with almost no communications, she would wonder.  When a guy does not respond to his wife’s calls, texts, mails….there is nothing much left in the marriage.

Somtimes Ria would feel guilty about being the other woman. She could feel that Andy’s wife was still trying to save their marriage. But without his help, it was an impossible task. He had gone far away from her, their home for 1 year and her food that she so felt had captivated him. After all  a marriage is supposed to make you feel secured, comforted and loved. All thse 2 years, Andy had felt none. In fact , he asked Ria why women change after marriage. She said yes they do, only they start loving their men more, his eyes had glistened.

Ria told Andy to give one last chance to his marriage. She didnt want to be that “other woman” and she also felt, the wife was still trying to be with him as much as possible, of course when she would get time from her studies, her friends, her parents and her hobbies. Andy was never her first priority after marriage. And that was precisely why the marriage had started to crumble. She visited him once a year and would join him for Diwali when he went to his parental house. All the other inbetween months , Andy was supposed to be happy, in love with her, be faithful to her and believe in their long distance marriage and be all by himself.

It was a October that year, when his wife stayed with him in their house, went to his parents house with him and then came back with him for a few more days. Ria does not know what went on between them during those days. But Andy would call her every night and tell her that he loved her. After another couple of months, Andy was on his way out to another job assignment in US, he stopped by her city and stayed with her for a few days.  He confided that he has given his last shot and it didn’t work. That he is done and its not going to work and that he wants to stay with her rest of his life.

After this , it was just them. They still didnt know how would they go about their respective divorces nonetheless it was quite a relief for Ria that she gave Andy some time to decide. Ria now knows how Andy’s marriage had already disintegrated when she came into his life and that she never forced him for any of his decisions.

Truth is , a marriage cannot be broken down if there isnt any crack in it. Ria also feels that Andy’d wife had left him alone to fetch for himself. He had instead fetched- a girl who loved him just a bit more and never took him for granted.

In such cases , the wife was, in fact the other woman who had taken so many years of their lives before the actual soulmates could live happily ever after.

Sometimes we need to change our perceptions, those which are created by society.

Hope

Hope

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