Trust

trust-cropped

Small word , big responsibility , bigger repercussions if broken.

The only people who would carry on believing in us even when we break their trust, is immediate blood family. Rest everyone will, at the most will give you a second chance and then would either leave or chuck you out of their lives.

Trust is a huge virtue , being ‘true’ is the biggest portion of it. When young, we are being told to be truthful, honest and keep our promises. When we grow up, apart from these we also need to know the unspoken words and sentiments of the people we love, lest we hurt them unknowingly. This get complicated in today’s times.

A vast sea of promises, emotions and words play games between two people. It is up to the hard work of these people if they choose to go that extra mile to keep their friends, mates or partners happy. One of my friends casually mentioned a few years back, that its all about performance, professionally and personally too. Until then I had not known the value of the performance in personal life. I took all my relationships a bit casually and I didn’t know, I could work hard on it.

For me, all my relationships were equal and I didn’t treat anyone differently. I believed in equality but little did I know that each person is different and they ask for different things. Some need space, others security. Some are vocal about their feeling other are not and one need to know them better through their actions. Some would make you feel special and expect the same back, some would be just plain honest and simple, others would be diplomatic still be honest.

Trust in all cases cannot be broken, for it leads to a damage that cannot be mended ever. I still believe , if the core of our heart is honest and we make some extra effort to know the other person inside out, we would always see that thin line which we should not never cross.

Respect the trust that the other person has put on you. Leave before you have to break it.

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Apology

Sorry....

Sorry….Its not so hard

Small word but the most powerful one to make or break relationships, personal or professional. One word ,which if you genuinely feel , would change you forever towards some event or person or you.

Sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we don’t, in either case when things go wrong one of the persons need to step back so that the relationship is not damaged. Most of us are caught up in out sweet little ego trips and are unable to render an apology, whether or not it is due. Over  a period of time and experience I have also realized that people forgive and forget easily if you apologize even when it was their mistake. Most of the times , its our ego which stops us from bending down but then why not if the person is an integral part of our life.

Sometimes I do remember the people I have lost because I burnt the bridges after crossing them. At times I miss them and wished I had apologized , they would have still been there in my life….

Life is short and crisp….no time for any ego trips really, lets just try to hold all the good people rest of our lives.

sorry handwritten

 

Simple Things in Life

Simple-Things

Honestly, a few good friends and some good place to spend the lazy afternoons…thats what life’ s pleasures are all about.

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Life’s treasures lie in simples things indeed. Mom’s food, a simple cup of her tea,sitting in the porch sipping it watching rains, giving grains to sparrows and hens at home…

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Watching a random flick on TV in the afternoon when alone, making that special cup of tea on weekends for both of us when Riaan is taking a nap, going for an evening walk and looking at the clouds and talking about future.

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Finding the phone number of an old friend and calling her and catching up with old times, wishing good day to a fellow jogger, smelling the rose on my morning walk, watching the clouds fly by in the evening sky, stopping by and talking to the old lady in the neighbourhood.

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Truly, life’s treasures lie in simple things. The very fact that life is short but sweet makes it even more important to love its each moment.

Cheers!

friends

 

A Friend- Week 7

Aditya Clicking pics April 2013 , San Francisco

Aditya Clicking pics
April 2013 , San Francisco

My first memories of Aditya is of middle school back in Agra, in the 90’s. An irritating, lanky, weird, bi-spectacle d teen who had poker straight hair. He was in a different class but always was trying to meddle into my group of friends. I didn’t like him much because of his bitter straightforward attitude and his silly talks. He would not allow anyone else to talk when in a group and surprisingly even engaged teachers with his nonsensical philosophies! Nonetheless, he was well into my friends circle in a couple of months! He lived away from where we were staying but he would bicycle his way to play with us almost every evening.

Fast forward, 20 years, I come to live in Delhi and just when Facebook was invented. I got to be in touch with so many friends including Aditya. And because of the sheer coincidence of living just a few miles away in the same area of the city, soon we decided to meet over lunch followed by a movie. Aditya was not a crazy teen anymore and we both sat and chatted for several hours sharing each other’s live’s happenings over last 2 decades. He had become a Human Right’s Lawyer and was an active LGBT leader in India. He travels around the world to speak in seminars and meetings for the same.

Since then he has been there as a dear friend, helping , supporting and guiding me through the most difficult times of my life. It was he who made me finalize my decision when I walked out on my marriage. I remember very clearly when he said, ” Rinks if you never leave this rotten marriage of yours, you will never come to know what you could have gotten on the other side of this.” I’m so glad, I understood what he meant by his one sentence. I’m so glad that I have my soulmate by my side now and my life could not have been better. For me, life has taken a complete 180 degree turn and words like love, trust, faith, care, pamper, appreciation, affection , adulation, respect and fair has become meaningful.

From time to time I turn on to Aditya for advice, suggestions and to tell him how my new life is shaping up. He is happy for me and we catch up every once in a while whenever I’m in Delhi. He too is glad that I have found my peace and that his advice and efforts to reinstate my dignity has paid off. We may have grown up and lead our own individual lives making mature decisions and being good human beings but in our hearts we still remain the teens the way we were, in school !

I’m so glad that I met Aditya again after so many years and that life has completed a full circle since we were in middle school. Aditya helps me in soul-searching and like always has answers to all the things that I throw at him. Though sometimes the answers are silly , nonetheless it teaches me to take life less seriously at times.

He has been a thorough gentleman, a dear friend and wonderful human being.

Here’s to fun, friendship, school-times and gratitude!

 Aditya at Barbeque @ Parag's April 2013 ( Palo Alto)

Barbeque @ Parag’s
April 2013 ( Palo Alto)

***I start this gratitude challenge following an inspiration by a fellow blogger Day-9 / week 1 – 52 Weeks of Gratitude | Me and My Random Thoughts by Bikram.

Something So strong

Lost...

Lost… Shot- A & R

Circa 2002 :I was teaching in a school and life had not been treating me good at personal front. The only thing good was that I had a job and my work place was 5 minutes drive away.I was managing 2 kids at home, a job and a broken sou,l after 10 years of marriage.

Amid st all the chaos that was happening in my life, one fine day a girl joined the school as my colleague. A beautiful, pretty young thing in her mid 20’s had a dimpled smile and a cheerful attitude. I liked the style she carried herself with. During initial conversations she told that she is a Hotel Management Grad and had married a doctor. And because he didn’t want her to be in hotel business anymore , she had joined this school. Ouch…that was pretty harsh. Leaving a prosperous career in Taj midway and doing something else just because your man does not fancy it. Well , it was a love marriage and I assumed that’s how they do it when in love. They respect each other’s wishes and life becomes easy.

It took several months before Payal and I would become friends.Once the ice was broken,we would go for evening walks in the nearby DDA park. I would ride my scooter to her place,pick her up and then enjoy the walk in the evenings. Sometimes we would go t the nearby cafe and treat ourselves with some lovely pastries! The friendship grew and there would be days when she would spend a night or two with me when her husband was working night shifts. Then there would be times when I would drop in at her place with my kids and she would make some lovely tea and snacks for us. Payal became a solace in my otherwise wrecked up life. No, I didn’t share any of my agonies with her during that time. She would not be able to comprehend and I would be too embarrassed to tell her my woes more so because her life was perfect and I didn’t want to cast any shadow on it.

After 2 years, Payal moved to London, it seems her husband had passed the examination to do his MD at London. She went away and gave me lots of her stuff which she could not take to London.She did visit me once in the school about 2 years later and told she had a 2 year old daughter and had conceived again. She got me some gifts  and went back to London…that’s about it. There was no contact with her thereafter.

Payal was gone and I was all by myself again. The pain and agony taking over my life again. Even though I didn’t share any of it with her, her mere presence in my life was soothing and I would forget about my problems. A couple of years later we were transferred to farthest corner of India. Life was pretty laid back there and I again managed to fulfill one of my dreams here- working for an MNC. As I immersed myself in my new found identity, I lost contact with Payal. There were no chances that I could have her number or she could have mine. Much later when we met again, she would tell me, her initial years in London were struggling.

Two years later we had shifted places again and this time it was in central India. I do not remember how much I missed her as I touched another crucial milestone of my life- working for a Telecom Giant where I would eventually work for next 7 years. Her thoughts kept coming to my mind every once in a while and I would talk about her to my current colleagues.I had kept her memories alive in my mind and heart as I knew it would be almost impossible to get in touch with her again.

Life was a struggle. I had been making up my mind these years. To be strong, without real friends and with 2 kids to take care of at home. Again, work brought in some respite.

One fine evening , on the way back from work, as I got down from my scooter and walk towards a shop to buy something, a man came in front of me and looked at me, I stopped and he said ,”Rinku ??” Oh my god, it was Payal’s husband and what on earth he was doing in this city? He was supposed to be in London! I asked him,”where is Payal….?” He pointed to the car and there she was! We hugged and were surprised at the way we had met in a new city. She told me her Parent-in-laws stayed there and she came there to visit them. That week went off like crazy. She visited me with her kids and husband and then I visited her in-laws place. It was so wonderful to have got in touch with her all over again.  We had missed so many years in between since she left for London but this chance meeting made up for it. We exchanged numbers and emails and promised not to lose contact again. We also had each other’s dad’s contact number in case we lose contact again.

Two years later, I was back in Delhi, the place where we first met 7 years before. We kept in touch via mails and if we could not then we would call each other’s dads and get back in touch.

Year 2012, I had made up my mind and had recently filed for divorce and had moved out.One evening , I got a call from Payal saying that her husband had divorced her a couple of months back and she needed my help. I pulled myself out of my struggles and told her to stay strong and that I too was going through the same. From that day , we kept in regular touch and supported each other emotionally. A year later, I had sorted out my divorce and was in US vacationing. During these 6 months in US, I could call her everyday and the bond between us got even more stronger. We both were recuperating from  divorces. We had different issues in our marriages but something seemed to be similar- the pain. Sharing each other’s pain and then trying to lift each other’s spirit in this hardest times of our lives brought us even more closer.

If I think of how we met a decade before and how we tried to stay connected to each other in different continents and how we have maintained and loved each other …..it seems amazing. When we met the first time in school staff-room , none of us thought we would become best friends forever-BFF’s….that’s what they call it right!

Ironically Payal and I share a similar life but to be each other’s rock has been a beautiful thing to happen to us!

So here’s looking forward to some more amazing times including growing old together.

Cheers to friendship!

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